7 Criticisms Parents Of Littles Are Sick of Hearing
When you’re a mom to a litter of littles, you’re subjected to some pretty moronic remarks made by strangers almost as if your tiny posse is an open invitation for outsiders’ opinions. Calling my clan a litter might be an small exaggeration as there are only three and they aren’t animal offspring as the definition…
Why It F*cking Sucks To Have Sick Kids
I am so sick and tired of everyone being so sick and tired. Whether it be the season, a new environment or because God has a sick sense of humor, my household has become a cesspool of germs. I can’t remember one full week during the entirety of this past year where everyone in our…
Breastfed Baby Blowouts Are No Freaking Joke
It’s amazing how interesting poop becomes once you have children. Upon the birth of your first born, it naturally becomes socially acceptable to discuss shit in the greatest of detail. The other day I found myself casually discussing baby crap with a nice stranger at the bank. From the color to the texture to smell…
Helpful Hints When Giving My Child A Gift
I find myself drowning in intense anticipation while watching my child open a present – not in the ‘I-can’t-wait-to-see-what-Karen-got-you’ type of excitement, but rather an ‘oh-great-what-new-toy-will-be-the-latest-bane-of-my-existence’ kind of way. Every time a new toy enters our house, or even re-surfaces it’s way to the top of some abandoned pile of fellow misfits, in one way…
Why It’s Damn Near Impossible To Talk On The Phone
Every time a moment arises where I need to talk on the phone, the same thought runs through my head, Ugh. Fuck. Some serious contemplation goes into whether or not I dare make a call. Do I like to talk on the phone? No, I hate it. Why? Because it’s damn near impossible to keep…
A Day Of Letting Go And Saying Yes To (Almost) Everything
No, you can’t have candy for breakfast. Please, pick up your toys. Applesauce is NOT finger paint! Don’t hit your brother! Put your pants back on! Day in and day out, I find myself spewing off these and other similar lines. I’m a SAHM of two toddler boys, living in the trenches, just trying to survive moment to…
To The Mom At The Park: My Son Isn’t A Bad Kid
We both watched from the sidelines as my son ran up to yours and pushed him down. One minute my little boy was running around, laughing, minding his own business and the next, he went up to your tiny tot and shoved him. Instantly, I was flooded with intense embarrassment and shock. There might’ve been…
Why I’m Loving The Newborn Stage
I enjoy the newborn phase. (gasp!) I know, I know. Who in their right mind takes pleasure in suffering from sleep-deprivation, non-stop diaper and outfit changes, constant feedings and being at the complete mercy of an incredibly demanding human being? No one enjoys these things – not even me – but there is a silver…
Please, Go Ask Your Father
To My Dearest Children The apples of my eye. I love you, I do, but we need to gain some clarity on a couple of things. I must remind you, I am not your only parent. You know that person you call ‘dada’? The one you run to when mom says, “No”. Not only is he…
Ape Sh*t
Before I hear a cry, scream or even a plea to come get them out of their beds in the morning, I hear my youngest pounding his chest. The pounding is accompanied with a soft, bellowing rhythmic noise. Is he calling for me? No, of course not. He’s pretending to be a gorilla, but even…
